A lot of times when people ask me how I got to know Christ, I pause for a while and think... And ask myself too " yeah, how did I become a Christian?"
You see, I grew up in a Christian family. I have a papa as a pastor and a grandpa as a pastor too. Basically, I knew Christ "from the beginning". Just plain knowledge. I know the word faith, I know the word salvation, I know the word cross, I know the word sin. I know. But was not a believer in my heart.
I religiously attended sunday school and church camps. I memorized the scripture. I joined various ministries. Even led Bible studies and all that! I boasted of myself. I boasted of the ministries I handled. I boasted of what I can do. I boasted of my good works and efforts.
Maybe just like Paul, I was one of those Pharisees who thought they knew the way, but were actually stumbling on it.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
I knew them in my mind, but I was stumbling because of immoralities. Because of an unbelieving heart. Because although I know that God is loving and forgiving, I used it as an excuse not to think that He too is Holy and Just.
"But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. For it is written: 'Be holy for I am holy.' " 2 Peter 1:15-16
I thought then I could earn His approval. I thought then that my words and actions on Sundays would compensate for the sins I commit the rest of the week. I worked my salvation out on my own with all effort only to find myself empty, lacking, and still sinful.
I used to be that woman who would say "Lord, Lord" but never really obeyed. I would just go on with my sinful life. Mine was not a godly sorrow which led to repentance. Mine was a worldly sorrow, a vicious cycle, a miserable life seeking fulfillment in worldly things (which I thought would do) which actually could have ended my life.
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23
"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10
So how did I become a Christian? I remember how a friend shared to me in a very simple- yet- full- of-impact-illustration of what grace meant. I knew what grace is, yes, an undeserved gift, but what it really IS, I can not accept when all I really needed was to accept it just as it is. I did not accept before, because I was too proud. I did not accept the undeserved gift, because I thought then that I have to earn it (you know how it is as a kid that you know you have to do good in school because you will get a reward?). I did not accept that GRACE, because I believed in the lie that I really do not deserve it. It wasn't really about me. Christianity is never about the self. It is about my relationship with Jesus Christ.
My friend shared it to me this way: "it is like meeting a good old friend whom you haven't seen for a long time and wanted to give you a gift . Your friend brought you to a very nice place and upon bidding goodbye handed you a key for a Mercedes Benz which He wants you to take and drive home. Because you haven't seen each other for a long time, you refused the gift and thought it as a joke. And believing and muttering to yourself that it was just a big joke, you took the bus home laughing and thinking what a crazy joke that was, leaving your friend hurt for your rejection. After a few days, you find out that one of your common friends got exactly the same car. You asked your common friend where he got it from, and simply told you 'Oh, this was the same car He wanted to give you'..."
That is grace my friend. That was what I learned and finally accepted. I thought to myself, "how long have I been rejecting that gift I know I don't deserve but He wants to give me? How long have I been hurting Him for trying to take the bus all the time when He wants me to take the luxury car and drive with Him?"
Grace is God's love for me. Grace is God's love for you. I do not deserve His love, but He loves me anyway. I do not deserve to be forgiven, but He gave up His Son to blot out my sins.
"For God so LOVED the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish, but will have everlasting life" John 3:16
And by His grace I am driving on with Jesus on the wheel. By His grace I am living on as a new creation. And yes, the song we are playing on the background is His song for me, still an unfinished symphony until we reach our destination in eternity.
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